


Droll Tolls

by Soawksahm (socawkSAHM)



Series: Fairy Tail One-Shots [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 17:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6385429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socawkSAHM/pseuds/Soawksahm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Silliness inspired by a scene in Men in Tights, Team Natsu runs into a delay on their way home from a job</p>
            </blockquote>





	Droll Tolls

Team Natsu was exhausted. They had managed to clean the bandits out that were bothering a town just south of Mt. Hakobe and were now heading back home. Unfortunately they were also now carriageless and since they were on foot, it would take them at least two more days before they arrived home.

"Damnit Natsu, when are you gonna to learn to put your head out the window!" Gray huffed as he trudged ahead.

Erza frowned, "I knew I should have knocked him out as soon as we loaded up."

"Hey! It's not my fault that old bat couldn't drive," Natsu grumbled. "I don't think she was all there in the head anyway, she kept calling me Raymond."

"She wasn't calling you Raymond, she was calling you demon! You puked flames all over her carriage! It's lucky I was able to put them out before they did any real damage. Don't try to blame your motion sickness on the driver, flames for brains. You're a mess! We should have left you behind!"

Lucy touched Natsu's arm, "Yea Natsu, that was pretty scary. I've never seen you get sick that bad before. Are you sure you're okay?"

Natsu shook her off with a frown, "Yes, I'm fine. _She was a terrible driver_! And I'm still pretty sure she was calling me Raymond, I heard a D at the end," he turned to the cat walking beside him, "What did you hear Happy?"

Happy put a paw to his mouth thoughtfully, "I thought she was saying salmon, but maybe I'm just hungry."

Natsu squinted one eye and rubbed his chin in deep thought, "I guess she could have been calling me salmon. That would at least make more sense than Raymond."

"How would that make more sense?" Gray sighed and rubbed his tired face. "I don't care what she was calling you, let's just get a move on. I want to get to the inn before they close the baths."

"I agree, I want to get the filth from those bandits off of me, and I hear that inn at the next town up has excellent ones." Erza dragged her massive cart of suitcases behind her, barely

Lucy sighed and looked forward. She knew they still had at least another half hour and dark would be setting in soon. She could hear the sound of trickling water up ahead. When they rounded a corner there was a small bridge to cross over a creek and in the middle stood a very large man with a staff in hand, his muscular girth effectively blocking passage over the wood planks.

"Great, yet another thing between me and a good night's sleep," grumbled Gray.

Natsu cocked his head at the man, then ran ahead to confront the bridge guardian. "Hey man, think ya could get out of the way? We've got a lot of cargo coming."

The man looked down at Natsu, unimpressed. "I think . . . you won't be using this bridge unless you pay the toll."

Natsu wrinkled his brow in confusion, "The toll? What toll?"

Erza pulled out a map, "Yes, there isn't supposed to be any toll locations in this area."

The man scowled, "Well I say there is and it's right here, no toll, no passage."

Natsu grinned widely and hit his fist into his open palm, "Wanna bet on that?"

"Sir, I will ask you to move out of our way or we will be forced to get physical," Erza added.

Gray moaned, "Guys this is going to take forever!"

"Yea, can't we just pay him and move on?" Lucy pouted and pulled out her purse.

Erza shook her head, "No, it's the principle of the thing. This isn't his bridge and we aren't paying to use it."

Natsu shoved the man, "Move out of the way."

The man barely budged. He crossed his arms with a scowl, "No, the land has gone barren and we need money to feed our families. Pay the toll or you can't use the bridge."

"See! Let's just pay, this is ridiculous," Lucy sighed.

Gray jumped down to the creek, "Or maybe . . ." he leapt over the small trickle of water, "we just don't use the bridge at all?"

Natsu didn't even look at him, a predatory smile forming on his face as he stared down the man one the bridge. "No way, this is about that principle thing Erza said."

Lucy walked down and hopped across the water as well, "Seriously Natsu, I think even Erza's cart of luggage could go over this no problem. Just leave it be and let's get to town. Aren't you hungry yet?"

Happy bounced back and forth over the water, "This is fun Natsu! Look! I'm on one side, I'm on the other side, I'm on one side, I'm on the other side."

"Lucy and Gray, you should be ashamed. It would be irresponsible to allow this man to continue to take advantage of travelers. No matter what his motivation may be." Erza stepped forward with a smile, "Sir, I'm afraid I am going to be forced to hurt you now."

The man smiled back, "A challenge then, I accept." A random man skulked out of the bushes carrying a staff similar to the one the man was holding.

"Ah, thank you, but that won't be necessary." Erza transformed into a robin hood costume complete with staff.

Lucy wrinkled her nose, "Why would you pick that outfit?"

Gray groaned and ran his hand through his hair,"This has passed the limit of my patience." He turned towards town and motioned for Lucy to follow. "Come on, let's leave these idiots behind."

Lucy hurried to follow him, "You coming Happy?"

Happy looked to Gray and Lucy's retreating forms then back to Erza, who had begun exchanging blows with the large man, and Natsu, who was impatiently pounding his burning fists. "Aye Lucy! I'm coming, wait for me!" He flew up and landing on Lucy's shoulder. He turned back to wave at his friend, "See ya Natsu, try not to do anything too stupid!"

"See ya buddy!" Natsu called before turning his attention back to the man.

* * *

 

Gray was half an hour into enjoying a nice hot bath, with a towel over his face, when he felt someone climb in next to him.

He sighed, "Let me guess, you set fire to the bridge."

"Yep."

"And the surrounding forest?"

"Yep."

Gray pulled the towel off his face and looked at Natsu, noting the black and blue bruising across his nose and eyes. "And part of Erza's suitcases?"

Natsu grimaced and sank further into the water, "Yep."

Gray laughed, "You're such an idiot!" Natsu just grumbled and sank down further. They sat in silence for a few moments then Gray offered, "Wanna go see if we can see the girl's bath?"

Natsu's eyes widened, "No way man!" He sat up and lead forward to show and massive staff shaped mark across his back, "This was for burning the suitcases." He sat back and sighed, "The face bruising is from trying to look in the girl's bath."

Gray doubled over in laughter, "I bet you didn't even get a good look!"

Natsu grinned and winked, "That's what you think. Totally worth it."

"What! You've gotta be kidding me! Why didn't you come get me?"

Natsu smugly sank back into the water, "Because you ditched me at the bridge ice nuts."

Gray pulled himself out of the bath wrapping a towel around his waist, "Bullshit man, well I'm going without you then. I bet you were an idiot about it anyway."

Natsu gave a toothy smile when he said, "You just go around the corner and there's a bench you can stand on to see over the wall."

Gray narrowed his eyes in distrust but headed in that direction anyway. He slowly stepped on the bench, raising up on his tiptoes to try and get a good look over. He heard Natsu roar in laughter when Erza yelled, "There had better be a good reason I'm seeing your hair Gray Fullbuster! Know that I will be waiting for you outside!"

Gray leapt down and ran back, "You asshole, I bet you never even looked did you?"

Natsu had trouble speaking through his cackles, "No . . .it was all . . .for the luggage!"

Gray ran out of the men's bath, hoping to head off Erza so he could hide in the safety of his room.

Unfortunately she was quick as ever, "Trying to escape me I see." She grabbed him by the hair, pulling him in the direction of her room, "Your punishment will be double then." The worst part of it all was the sound of Natsu's laughter, still pouring out of the next room over.


End file.
